Fantasy Football: Bragging Rights are (in) the Name of the Game
It’s that time of year again, when more than 20 million Americans are preparing for another season of fantasy football. As fantasy sports enthusiasts we have endless resources to call on when readying ourselves for draft day, from niche and traditional media outlets to Twitter and Facebook. But I won’t waste your time with self-important, douchey advice on how to draft and manage a winning fantasy football team. The reality is, I’m not very good. Only one of my football squads has won a league in my nine previous fantasy seasons, and that’s with more than 20 teams under my belt. (That sucks, I know.)
I’ve learned to look beyond the pre-draft preparation, selecting the right players and managing my roster week-to-week, because inevitably my team’s championship hopes will be derailed by ill-timed, horrible injuries, players’ inabilities to not be assholes, or worse.
And that’s why I find the most enjoyment in naming my teams.
2010 marks my tenth fantasy football season, during which I’ve {managed} 22 teams, including the S.C. Rotums, Dicks in Butkus, Sons of Jorel, Christ Punchers, Sweaty Trunks, Big Ass TDs! and Totally Bigdiculous. This year, for my longest standing league, I’m struggling to come up with a fun and clever – and if all else fails, downright offensive – team name. But rather than call on one of the many sites out there geared toward helping uncreative minds, like mine is today, I’ve found a new source of inspiration: 30POV.com
Just this week, I discovered a section of our admin interface here that lists the search engine terms used by web surfers that ultimately led them to our awesome site. And while in some instances the words searched are disturbing, there are also a wealth of potential fantasy team names. I searched this list’s 12-month archive and came up with the following candidates for my 2010 team name: (Note that these are the exact terms as they were searched by the readers.)
- Poop in my mouth
- Poetry of poop
- Room full of whiskey
- Happy bunny pictures
- Boozin for boobies
- Jodi Picoult sucks
- Her anal virginity went away in a blink
- Tits and puke
- 30 year old failure
So what do you think? Are any of the above good enough for me to go to battle with? I have a little more than a week before I must name my team and draft a team. Please share your thoughts and/or other suggestions in the comments.
About Mr. Poopoopachu
Boozin' for Boobies gets my vote. (obvie)
Noted. Though, I would've taken you for a Tits and puke kinda lady.
Ha ha ha ha. We have quite a bit to catch up on, my friend.
I think you should name it "Hucking Force", with the team mascot being a stallion.
I was thinking Canadian Football Sucks.
::vomit::
Withthemselves is a solid go-to name.
I'll also offer up "Sweet Bushy Ginger Vengeance". What that is will be clear on Wednesday.
You sicken me.
Today's best search term guiding a reader to 30POV is… Debate Camp Concubine. That's a fine, fine fantasy team name.
er, laughing so *hard*…
Sounds good to me–
There is no question. NONE. This is your team:
"Her anal virginity went away in a blink" SCORES a thousand-million touchdowns!
Sadly it's too long.
…that's what she said.
Don't feel too bad, Poop. I've won twice, and I've been doing fantasy football every year since 99. It's a total crapshoot.
Tonight's the big draft. Hopefully by morning I'll have convinced myself that I assembled a championship squad.
Thx, Sam. Jodi Picoult sucks it hard, but such a reference would go right over the heads of most in my league.
Anal Favre….now that has potential. Thanks man!